Malice and Meathead Explore the Sextionary
by DreamQuill
Summary: Meathead is an injured jock just out to have a good time. Malice is a professional cook with baggage that has left her wary of men. What do you get when you mix the two? Jokes, dirty cardigans, smut, and maybe even a little love. AH, OOC, Non-canon
1. Chapter 1: A is for Aphrodisiac

**THIS FIC WAS PULLED EARLIER THIS WEEK WITHOUT WARNING BECAUSE SOMEONE REPORTED MY SUMMARY AS NOT BEING "G RATED". I WILL BE RE-POSTING AND ADDING NEW CHAPTERS IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS. IF IT IS PULLED AGAIN, I WILL MOVE IT TO TWCS AND PROVIDE A LINK. SORRY FOR EVERYONE THAT HAD IT ON FAVORITES/ALERTS.**

_**A/N:**_ _This fic is by special request for my girl Ashley who punches werewolves. She's having surgery and I offered to write her something for entertainment. This is my first ever non Edward and Bella fic (scary!) I hope I do a good job writing Emmett and Alice. This fic will be mostly smut and humor. Don't take it too seriously. Reviews are welcome. I'll be updating every few hours the next few days until we get to Z. All chapters will be less than 2K words._

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_**Aphrodisiac** (noun) - Anything (substance, smell, words, music etc) believed to increase sexual desire or performance. The word is derived form the ancient Greek word aphrodisios, meaning belonging to Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love._

_**Malice POV**_

I sang along to my nineties dance mix while driving to the suburbs. It was a muggy April day, so I had my yellow VW bug convertible top down. My bug was a classic from the seventies and one of my favorite things in the world. Most people, including my brothers, made fun of the VW but it suited my personality just fine.

When I pulled up to the mansion, the gardeners were outside working. I said hello to Seth and Embry before making my way inside. As usual, loud rock music and male swearing assaulted my ears from the foyer.

"What the fuck took you so long?" he asked, glaring at me.

Emmett McCarty was a defensive end for the Chicago Bears and my own personal nightmare. He'd broken his fibula last season and was rehabbing. Sometimes, it seemed like he personally blamed me for what happened to his leg on the field.

"I don't start until eight," I replied, holding my ground.

He shook his big head. "I texted you at six and told you to get your ass over here. I promised my boys some of those tasty omelets you cooked last week. We shouldn't have to wait for you."

It was hard to have a good day with him around. "Look, I know you think the world revolves around you but it doesn't. My contract states that I am here between eight and six to make meals for the day. If you want me outside of those hours, we have to both agree ahead of time."

Fuming, I stomped to the kitchen. The counters were covered with pizza boxes and beer cans. Mr. McCarty's last maid quit a few days ago, and so far, no one had filled the position. I wasn't surprised that there weren't people lining up to work here.

I removed my lavender cardigan and hung it on a bar stool. Fortunately, I had worn comfortable rolled leg chinos and a light blue tank top that made it easy to move around. In the past, I'd had clients that required uniforms but Emmett didn't care.

It took me almost an hour to get the area clean enough so that I could cook. Grumbling, I shuffled to the downstairs bathroom and cleaned up.

I considered myself somewhat stylish and had recently gotten my chestnut-colored hair cut into an inverted bob that fell to my shoulders. My eyes were gray and not particularly special, but I'd been told more than once that they were pretty.

"You can do it," I said to the mirror, giving myself a little pep talk.

Unfortunately, Emmett was in the kitchen when I returned. Ignoring him, I took out the eggs, vegetables, and cheeses that I would need to make a late breakfast. I also brought out the remaining fresh fruit. One of my favorite activities was going to the Farmer's Market and picking produce.

"The guys had to leave, so you only have to cook for me," he said, shocking me out of my thoughts.

"Um, okay."

Humming, I began preparing a big fruit salad with cantaloupe, grapefruit, oranges, bananas, grapes, apples, strawberries, and kiwi. Then, I carved a pineapple using the husk for a bowl after all the fruit was removed. I was an artist at heart and took great pleasure in food presentation.

When it was done, I put everything on a square plate and handed it to Emmett. He quickly threw his expensive phone aside and began shoving food into his mouth. For some reason, I found myself gawking at his thick fingers and the way the juices clung to his lips.

"You want some or are you just gonna keep staring at me like an asshole?"

I jumped. "I'm sorry. I should get started on the rest."

"Come here."

My brain told me to decline, but I was curious to see what he had in mind. Sitting on the stool, he was still taller than my standing height. This morning, I'd gone for comfort and worn my beloved Keds, though I usually preferred something with a heel.

He dipped a whole strawberry into the homemade whipped topping and held it up to my lips. I licked the cream off and backed away. Emmett's ocean blue eyes widened but he quickly recovered and offered it again. This time, I sucked the bottom part into my mouth and sucked gently before biting.

"This is inappropriate," I said, realizing who I was with and what we were doing. I mean, he was my boss for goodness sake!

Emmett ran his fingers through his dark curls and smiled so wide that his dimples showed. "You liked it."

"It was a mistake. I'm sorry for behaving unprofessionally."

He chuckled. "I bet you like sucking things. Girls that look innocent like you are always the biggest nymphos. I would know."

Now he'd made me angry. "Look, you don't know anything about me. I really need this job, so if we can just forget…"

"Hmmm, let me watch you eat a banana and I'll think about it. Get a whole one from the basket."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "No."

"Didn't you get fired from your last job for inappropriate behavior? I'd hate to have to tell my father that you were propositioning me, too. What are you, some kinds of sports groupie?"

My last boss had been more of an ass than McCarty. His name was James Horn, and he pitched for the Seattle Mariners. I'd been given a job as a temporary cook while his main chef was out with pneumonia. He was one of the main reasons I'd had to relocate to Chicago.

At first, James acted nice and aloof, but after two weeks, he cornered me. I kneed him in the groin and hit him over the head with a frying pan. To save face, he'd told everyone that I came onto him and got angry when he didn't return my feelings. It was a rich athlete's word against mine… so he won.

"Your father knows what happened in Seattle, and he still gave me a chance. I don't have to defend myself to you." I hadn't even noticed that I was crying until he reached forward and wiped the moisture from my cheek.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I took it too far. I won't tell dad," he whispered, caressing my jaw.

I turned around and went back to the stove. Emmett ate the rest of his fruit salad while I whisked eggs and browned meat for the omelets. The atmosphere was thick with tension, and I didn't know what to do to lighten the mood. Thinking about the James Horn incident always put me in a foul mood.

A few minutes later, Emmett walked to the stainless steel trashcan and threw the husk away. Seconds later, I felt his muscular arm wrap around my waist. He used his free hand to hold another strawberry up to my mouth. Without thinking, I leaned forward and delicately ate it from his fingers.

"You're tiny," he muttered, bending down to sniff my hair.

"Everyone is small compared to you. Wikipedia says you're six-foot-six."

He laughed. 'You Googled me. How much do I weigh?"

"Two-seventy? It must be all muscle because you're not fat at all." His abs and waist were rock solid against my back, and he smelled like Kenzo Homme cologne and fruit.

"Give or take."

Our close proximity was messing with my head so I removed his hand. "This is wrong."

"What?" he asked innocently.

I wiggled my bottom over his very apparent indecency. "You're poking me with that thing."

"Fuck. Do that again," he groaned, placing his beefy hand on the marble counter.

I froze. "I admit that I let this go farther than it ever should have, but I don't do hookups. I know women would probably kill to be a notch on your bedpost, but that's just not me."

He smirked. "Hey, I'm bored and horny. Let's go upstairs and spend a little time together. I won't tell if you don't want me to."

"That right there! What woman would take you up on such an offer? Ugh! You men are exasperating creatures. Just go do something else while I finish cooking," I yelled, stepping away from him and those roaming hips.

The gentleness I'd glimpsed earlier was gone, though; it had probably just been a way to get into my pants. "I get plenty of ass, but I was willing to throw you a bone. It's too bad, you look like you could use a good dicking."

I was about to murder him with a spatula when his father walked into the kitchen. "Something smells great. Am I on time for breakfast?" We hadn't even heard him enter the house.

After taking a deep breath, I turned around and smiled brightly at Aro McCarty. "Yes, Sir. I can just add more eggs. Are green peppers, tomatoes, and onions fine with you? There's steak, too."

He patted his stomach and nodded. "Sounds good."

He and Emmett talked football and physical therapy at the table while I finished preparing the meal. Every once in a while, I'd look up and catch Emmett's eye. He made sure to scowl when his father wasn't looking.

"Well this looks delicious, Alice," Aro said, unfolding his cloth napkin.

Emmett mumbled and began inhaling the steak and omelets. I made myself a piece of toast and sat at the breakfast bar. Then, I pulled out my phone to check my emails. Thankfully, this job paid well enough so that most of the bill collectors were no longer stalking me.

"I have a few errands to run but I'll be back by one. Do you have any lunch preferences?" I asked while packing up my purse.

"I'll be in a meeting with some possible sponsors, but save me some of whatever you make," Aro requested politely.

"Surprise me," Emmett said, licking his lips.

I gave him the middle finger before heading out the door.

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_What is going on? We'll find out soon :)_


	2. Chapter 2: B is for Barosmia

_**A/N: **Are we feeling the Alice and Emmett love yet? Hugs to Ashley for when she reads this._

**REPOST DUE TO PULLED FIC  
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_**Barosmia** (noun) - _Sexual desire aroused from sense of smell.

_**Meathead POV**_

I hated not being able to practice with my team. Football had been my life since I was three years old. My dad played in college and never made it to the NFL, but I did. I felt more at home on the field than anywhere else in the world.

Idly, I flipped through the channels. Like most players, I had my own entourage. They were always around when the liquor and fun were flowing but scarcely seen when things were tough. I also had a few really good friends but they were all busy working or living the domestic dream.

Physical therapy was helping to heal my leg but nothing could cure the boredom. I'd even stopped answering calls from my usual fuck buddies. Most of the women were just glorified groupies and ho's anyway.

Then there was Malice, well, Mary Alice Brandon. I called her Malice in my head because she obviously had a desire to see me suffer. I knew she was trouble when dad hired her. She had been wearing this sexy skirt and blouse librarian combo with stacked heels. My dick hardened from the memory.

After deciding that dreaming about some bitchy woman that would never fuck me was not the thing to do, I went to the kitchen to get a snack. I was pouring a glass of juice when I spotted her sweater thing tossed on the stool.

I lifted it up and sniffed. The smell of some kind of sweet perfume and lemons filled my nostrils. I inhaled until I felt myself go half mad. She managed to torture me even when she wasn't at the house.

Snacks forgotten, I jogged to the bathroom and shut the door. Then, I found some lotion and unzipped. My cock sprang up to meet me as I fisted the shaft. Five pumps while sniffing that cardigan and I was done. I wanked two more times before I felt satisfied. Soon after that, I realized that I'd gotten cum on Alice's sweater thing.

"Damn it."

Hastily, I cleaned myself up and opened the door. Malice was about five feet away dancing to whatever was playing on her Ipod. From what I'd observed, she was pretty bubbly and happy. The bright yellow monstrosity she drove fit her personality.

"What are you doing?" she asked, turning around abruptly.

I hid the sweater behind my back. "I came down for a snack and I had to use the bathroom. It's my house."

She held up her little hands. "Don't get defensive with me. I was just surprised to see you, that's all."

I grimaced. "Yeah, I'll just be upstairs."

"Why do you have my cardigan? Give that back," she shrieked, snatching it from my hands. I'd been too distracted to keep it hidden.

I closed my eyes and waited for the inquisition. "Three…Two…One…"

"Did you use my favorite cardigan to wipe up your spunk, Emmett? I swear, I can't stand you!"

I looked at her and laughed. "The feeling is mutual, babe. But I wouldn't have to wank off if you'd just give in and let me fuck you."

Her pretty little mouth opened and closed several times as she struggled for control. When she did speak, it wasn't what I expected to hear. "I can't orgasm. Besides, I don't even like sex."

"What?"

"I'm narrow…you know, down here," she mumbled, pointing at her crotch.

I swallowed hard. "I still don't get it."

"I don't get worked up. Then when they put it in, it just hurts. It lasts a few minutes for them and I'm stuck with a week of pain. Something is wrong with me."

What the hell kind of douches had she been with? "You look fine to me. Any man can make a woman come if he works her right. Some assholes just don't put in the effort."

She shook her head. "No, I've only had three lovers and it always happened. I've tried using toys, too, but I never actually orgasm."

I felt bad for her. "Have you seen my football record?"

She rolled her beautiful gray eyes. "Yeah, you're really good."

"I excel on the field because I'm always up for a challenge. I can't play right now, but you've just presented me with a challenge. I want to try to make you come." It was time for us to be blunt and stop playing around like teenagers.

"No."

"Why not? We're both physically healthy twenty-something adults. Don't you want to know what it feels like to lose yourself?"

Malice didn't answer. Instead, she walked to the kitchen. Soon, I heard her throwing around pots and pans. I figured she was either making the world's biggest feast or blowing off steam. I decided to leave her alone, because Emmett McCarty didn't beg.

I fell asleep on the cushy sofa in the upstairs lounge and woke up to Malice sitting beside me. She had a plate with a huge sub sandwich perched on her lap and a bottle of water. I sat up and took the food, because I was starving after missing lunch.

"Okay, I thought about it and… I do want to try."

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. "Fuck yeah!"

She shrugged me off and stood up. "There are rules."

"There always are."

"First, this can't interfere with my employment. I am your private chef, first and foremost."

"Check," I said, taking a huge bite of my sandwich.

"Second, we have to be safe. I haven't been with anyone in almost three years. I'm on birth control, but I'd still like you to wear a condom."

"I'm clean, too. I got tested a few months ago and haven't been with anyone since."

She looked at me skeptically. "Really?"

"Despite the stereotype of the all-American athlete, I don't just stick it into anything. I've been worried about my leg and getting back on the field."

"That's, uh, good. Third, you don't ever tell anyone about what we're doing. I know how guys like to brag, but I need discretion. Your father knows a lot of people and I'd hate to lose him as a reference," she stated, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I have a condition, too. Don't fuck with anyone else while we're involved."

She smacked my forehead. "Did you hear me say I don't like sex? There's no one else."

"You'd think you'd be gentler with the guy who plans to make your legs quiver for the next few weeks. Jeez."

Malice screamed and stomped out of the room muttering, "I must be an idiot."

After I finished the amazing sub sandwich, I pulled out my MacBook Air. I'd never really had to work hard to get a woman off, but it sounded like Malice might be different. I needed to know where to put my fingers, tongue, and other attributes to drive her wild. One thing was for sure, Malice was in for a hell of a ride.

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_*sings* It's getting hot in here so take off all your clothes... What will happen to that poor spunk covered cardigan?_


	3. Chapter 3: C is for Cunnilingus

_**A/N: **It's the best C-word ever. I'm winking at you Ash._

**REPOST_  
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**Cunnilingus** _(noun)_ - Oral sex performed on a woman; specifically, licking the clitoris of a woman to produce an orgasm.

_**Malice POV**_

I'd made a deal with the devil all because I wanted that elusive orgasm. I got tired of going to the salon and hearing women brag about how good sex was with their partner. I wanted to experience it for myself.

It had been a week since we agreed, and Emmett was never home. He had called to tell me that he'd be busy and just make food that he could heat up later. I pounded the meat mallet, taking out my annoyance at him on the cubed steak I was preparing for dinner. His family was coming over and I wanted everything to be perfect.

"It smells wonderful in here, dear," Heidi McCartey said, coming over to steal a carrot. Like her son, she had ocean blue eyes but her hair was light blonde. Mrs. McCarty was trim, tall, and stylish and used to be a professional gymnast.

"That Chanel suit looks perfect on you," I said smiling. I loved high fashion but I couldn't afford it for myself.

"Thank you! We'll have to go shopping sometime."

"I don't think…"

Emmett chose that moment to interrupt. "Hey, Mom," he said, kissing her on the cheek. I looked away from their affectionate greeting. My mother died when I was twelve, and we'd never been that close. My brothers and I were sent to live with an older Aunt who took care of us until we became adults.

"Alice and I were just planning a shopping trip."

Emmett swiped a carrot from my cutting board. "Is that right?"

I suddenly felt very uncomfortable. "Well, I was about to tell your mom that I really can't afford the boutiques and stores she frequents." I looked over at Mrs. McCarty. "Thanks for thinking of me, though."

She eyed Emmett and I curiously. "I'm sure we can work something out. I know owners who have sample sales all the time."

Thankfully, they left to check out something in the garden and left me alone. I mashed the potatoes and added butter and cream. Then, I dipped the steak before putting it in the pan to fry. Most of what I made for Emmett was extremely healthy, but he insisted on a few indulgences while he didn't have to practice.

By six, I had the table set up for an elegant dinner. The new maid had done a great job cleaning the crystal I'd requested and everything sparkled beautifully. I almost wished that I could stay and enjoy it with everyone, but I was just the help.

"Well, it's everything, I'm just gonna get out of you hair," I said as Aro and the rest entered the dining room.

"Stay," both Mr. and Mrs. McCarty begged.

I looked at Emmett. "I'd also like you to stay."

"I'm not dressed right…"

Heidi waved her hand. "I have something upstairs in my guest room that will look perfect on you."

When we got there, she showed me a pretty green silk BCBG dress with the tag still attached. I balked at the over four-hundred dollar garment. I'd seen it in a magazine, but I never thought I would get a chance to wear it.

"It's too much. Do you have something else."

"I can tell you like it. Just go try it on," she said, ending my argument.

"It fits," I exclaimed, twirling around so that she could see.

"I want you to have it. I've always had to wear it with pants because I'm so tall, but it looks better as a stand alone dress. Your sandals also look good with it."

Emmett's eyes bugged out of his head when he saw me. I only wore casual clothes for work, and I'd always dressed to play down my cleavage. Even though I was petite, I had large C-cup knockers. They were hell on my back and really no use since I didn't have sex.

The rest of Emmett's family arrived a few minutes later. His sisters, Irina and Kate, were Nordic goddesses like his mother. They were both students at Northwestern and Irina modeled for local style magazines.

Conversation flowed well throughout dinner. Heidi and Aro had raised really wonderful kids. The girls didn't even ask why I was eating with them and included me in everything they discussed. I was complimented profusely on both dinner and dessert.

After dinner, the family showed me old pictures while we watched some sports program. Emmett had been a very cute kid and loved the camera. I laughed at the various pictures of him flexing his muscles. The wine had made me more social.

The family left a little after ten, but Emmett asked me to stay so that we could discuss the menu for the rest of the week. His couch was so big that my feet didn't even touch the ground. He went to get another bottle of Zinfandel while I took out my Android.

His eyes were hooded as he topped me off. "Do you how painful it was to sit there with a hard-on all night? If I didn't have the food to distract me, I would have dragged you from the table."

I sipped from my newly filled goblet. "So, you like what you see? It's about time you noticed me." Alcohol tended to loosen my tongue.

"What does that mean?"

"You've been avoiding me," I said, pouting.

He groaned. "No, I haven't. I've really been busy with work and stuff."

I was debating whether or not I should fall sleep on the comfy couch when I felt his fingers on my neck. He unzipped my dress, leaving my bra exposed. I hiccuped and giggled as he removed it completely.

"Shit," he mumbled, staring dumbly at my plum-colored lingerie.

"I have boobs," I whispered, pushing them right into his face.

He got down on his knees and spread my legs wide. "Can I?"

I nodded while watching him take off my panties. "Are you going to touch it?"

Emmett cursed again and kissed the inside of my thigh. "I'm gonna taste it."

My whole body spasmed as his tongue connected with my clit. "Holy…"

He went for it like a pro—kissing, sucking, and licking me into a frenzy. I'd mistakenly thought we needed to use lube or something but my body created the wetness. When he blew on me, I felt an unfamiliar tingling deep in my belly.

Reluctantly, I lowered my hands to his soft curls to help guide his movements. He laughed and pulled me further down the couch. I was beyond caring about the sounds coming out of my mouth or the fact that I was halfway naked in front of Emmett McCarty.

Suddenly, the world exploded. I clenched my legs together and clawed at the upholstery. It was unlike anything I'd ever imagined. My senses heightened and I could feel every inch of his thick finger as he probed my entrance. Before long, I was orgasming again!

Eventually, I tugged on his shoulders until he removed his hand and came to sit by me. "I think you liked that."

Feeling totally uninhibited, I pulled him down for a sloppy kiss. The mix of wine and my own juices made my head swim. I wanted to orgasm forever and ever. Sometime during our make out session, Emmett managed to remove my bra. I trembled when I felt his big hand slap my breast.

"My god, you're amazing. We're going to have so much fun, babe…" I didn't hear the rest because I was already falling asleep in his arms.

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_Still no word on that cardigan yet. It's a real cliffie._


	4. Chapter 4: D is for Domme

_**A/N:** Malice and Meathead are growing on me. Shhh, don't tell._

**REPOST_  
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**Domme** _(noun)_ - The dominant person in a bondage or S&M relationship; usually female.

**_Meathead POV_**

Malice was cooler than I originally thought. In between moments of me giving her the best tongue of her life, we actually talked about sports, movies, and music. She wasn't afraid to school my ass in Modern Warfare or watch a classic ballgame.

It was her day off, but since I had just gotten out of a meeting in the city, I decided to have a car drop me off at her condo building. I was relieved to see that the place was in a nice area with a security desk. I hated to admit it, but I sometimes worried about her.

The guy at the front desk asked me to autograph a slip of paper before he let me into the elevator. I'd stopped and picked up Korean barbecue so I hoped that she wasn't busy. I hadn't even bothered to call and ask, because I was so eager to see her beautiful face.

I made sure my breath was fresh and rang the doorbell. "Can I come in?" I asked when she opened the door.

She stepped aside. "I wasn't expecting you...or I would have cleaned up."

Her apartment was decorated in every color of the rainbow. The living room was painted a bright orange color with funky statues and paintings placed here and there. She even had a mounted flat screen television in front of a big black and white cheetah print couch. It was so Malice.

"Nice place."

She took the food bags from me and set them on the coffee table. "Oh my god, I love Korean barbecue. Thanks."

We ate while watching a comedy show or rather, she ate while I ogled. She had on these old jeans shorts that didn't cover much and an off the shoulder tee. From what I could tell, she wasn't wearing a bra.

"Do you want another beer while I'm in the kitchen?" she asked, rising up to take our plates.

"Nah, I'm cool."

A few minutes later, she returned with something in a bowl. "Baked pears with vanilla sorbet. I was thinking that we could share it unless you want your own."

I cut a chunk up and held it to her mouth. Then, I ate some. Either everything Malice made was fucking delicious or my taste buds were in my dick. I'd eaten from some of the best chef's table but Malice's culinary specialties really appealed to me.

Later, she led me into her arts and crafts/office room. It looked like a tornado had touched down somewhere in the middle. There were easels, spools of thread, clay, and papers as far as the eye could see.

Suddenly, I had an idea. "I could help you clean this up."

She whipped her head around. "You want to clean my room?"

"Clean up can be fun. Try something with me," I pleaded, giving her sad dog eyes.

She sighed. "As long as it won't involve the police or an emergency room visit."

I excused myself to use the bathroom, and while there, I stripped down to just my boxer briefs. Being a bit of a metrosexual, I had my small grooming back with me. I spritzed on some Kenzo and rubbed lotion on my chest.

"Wow," Alice stammered as I entered the room.

I preened like a peacock. "I've always had a kinda dominatrix fantasy but nothing too hardcore. What do you say, babe?"

"You want me to tie you up and beat you?"

"No! I just want you to take control. I'll clean up this room, but you have to tell me what to do. Get it?"

She nodded. "Go organize the desk, Meathead!"

"Yes, ma'am."

Malice gave me orders for the next hour. I only disobeyed her once and the punishment was a hard slap on the ass. She acted like she'd surprised herself, so I quickly assured her that I enjoyed the feeling.

By the time I was done, the room looked much better. Alice led me into her bedroom and closed the door. We still hadn't had sex, so I was wonderingwhat she had planned. She laid me down on the bed carefully began lowering my Calvin Kleins.

"That is never going to fit inside me," she sighed when I sprang free.

My dick jumped in her hand. "He likes you."

She giggled and began trying to give me a blowjob. At first, it was pretty bad. I could tell that she hadn't had much if any practice. With words of encouragement and a little help from me, she was able to get into it.

"I never… did this before. You…taste sweet. Do all guys taste like this?" she asked while bobbing her head up and down.

I stroked her short hair. "Do I look like I suck dicks?"

She laughed really hard and the vibrations sent me to happy town. Without warning, I began to shoot. Malice's eyes crossed as she struggled to swallow all my spunk. If I had been under better control, I could have warned her before I came.

"Sorry," I panted once it was done. "I didn't mean to."

She wiped the back of her mouth. "It really didn't taste that bad, kinda nutty. A warning would be nice next time."

"Next time?" I asked hopefully.

She smiled seductively and laid down beside me. "My turn, Slave. I want you to stay down there until I say you can leave."

I spread her tiny legs wide and lowered my head. "As you wish, Mistress." It turned out to be a good day.

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_Who wouldn't want hot, sweaty Emmett cleaning their house and cunnilingus? The mystery continues. And no, F will not be for fuck._


	5. Chapter 5: E is for Erotolalia

_**A/N:** What are they up to now? The general consensus is that there's no hope for that cardigan :(_

**REPOST_  
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**Erotolalia:** _(noun)_ - The compulsive use of vulgar or lewd language during intercourse

_**Malice POV**_

I hated to admit it but Meathead wasn't so bad. Sure, he was cocky and argumentative, but he could also be sweet and charming. Thankfully, I didn't believe in love or even crushes. If I had been that type of girl, my heart would probably already be gone.

"Tell me about your family."

"I have two brothers who are older than me. They still live back in Seattle and treat me like a child. My mother died when I was twelve and my father ran out on us when I was a baby. A widowed Aunt raised us." I really didn't like to discuss these things.

"Ah, that must have been rough. I'm sure your brothers are just looking out for you. Do you miss them a lot?"

"After the whole James thing, I just needed to get away and prove that I could pick myself up. He pretty much ruined my reputation, and my brothers were in the middle. I needed to take myself out of the situation before someone got hurt," I sighed.

"I want to smash my fist into Horn's smug face. I'm really sorry he fucked with you."

I shrugged. "It's not a big deal. I'm over it."

Emmett didn't look like he believed me, but he let the subject drop. I refilled my plate with more shrimp scampi and garlic bread. We'd begun to have most of our meals together lately and it was better than eating alone.

After dinner, he took me to the backyard. There were cones and flags set up. Emmett tossed me the ball and smirked. "Shirts or skins, babe."

I looked down at my black and yellow Zeplin tee. "My shirt is too cool to take off."

He shrugged out his shirt and tossed it aside. "You never let me have any fun."

Emmett was in full Meathead mode as he quickly explained the rules. I basically had to get the ball past some cone thingie far away without him grabbing my flag. The winner got to pick the next orgasm activity.

He set the outdoor speaker system to play _Whole Lotta Love_ and I began swaying my hips. I liked that we had the same taste in music. Emmett's eyes were full of lust as he watched me turn around and shake my ass.

"Let's play." His voice sounded strangled.

Meathead was built like a machine. I felt really sorry for the men in the NFL that had to run into his wall of muscle. I dodged and weaved to get away as he chased me. I could tell that he wasn't using his full speed but it was more fun that way.

I was almost to the end cone when tackled me, rolling us so that I would land on top. Laughing, I kissed both of his handsome dimples. He was definitely all man, but he had a boyish innocence that I found extremely sexy.

"I want to rub my wet pussy all over you face," I blurted out, startling myself.

Emmett stopped breathing. "What?"

"Don't you want my juicy cunt in your mouth?"

He quickly recovered. "Take off your clothes."

I stood up and gave him a little wiggle as I stripped. "What about the game?"

"This one is better. Face front and squat down over my face. Don't move until I say you can."

I let him position my hips so that my pussy was right over his mouth and my legs on either side of his head. I needed friction and moaned when he smacked my bottom. I'd never wanted to do these types of things with any other partner but Emmett brought out the freak inside of me.

I briefly thought about doing the sixty-nine position but it didn't really work for our body types. I was simply too short to reach. Still, I planned to give him pleasure later. We hadn't done penetration yet, but I knew that it would be soon.

He licked my clit. "You're such a nasty girl. I love it!"

Whimpering, I held onto his abs as he ate me out. Each time I got close, he would pull back and smack my bottom. Then, he inserted a finger in my anus.

I'd never been touched there but it wasn't completely unpleasant.

"Don't be gentle, babe. Ride me hard!"

I rocked my hips against his tongue. "Fuck me! Make me your whore. I want to come!"

"I want it all over me. Come on, babe. Let go."

Screaming, I clawed at the grass as the most powerful orgasm to date rushed through my body. I hit multiple peaks as Emmett continued tonguing my overly-stimulated clitoris. I collapsed soon after and he carried me inside.

"Em, are you home? Your mother and I…"

"Oh my god!" I screamed, looking for something to cover myself, but Em wasn't wearing a shirt.

Aro and Heidi gawked as us as I tried to climb down from Emmett's arms. The whole family looked stunned, but I had to mobilize. This was so not how sexy evenings were supposed to end. Didn't these people ever knock or use a doorbell?

Fortunately, Emmett's parents soon came out of their coma and left the room. I buried my head in his neck and began to cry. I wanted this job to be different and I'd ruined everything again. What if they thought I was a gold digging slut?

Meathead kissed my forehead and yelled, "I always get what I want!"

I smacked him on the back of the head.

* * *

_Aro and Heidi might not be prudes. Naked flag football is really the best sport. Put it in the Olympics and I'd watch._


	6. Chapter 6: F is for Foot Job

**_A/N: _**_What's a fic without a little drama?_

**REPOST  
**

* * *

**_Foot job _**_(noun) _Rubbing feet on the penis, usually until ejaculation._  
_

**_Meathead POV_**

I rubbed the back of my neck and shuffled my feet. "You remember what it's like to hookup and just have fun, right? We're not taking this too seriously."

He looked pained. "I've been with your mother for almost thirty years. We have had our rough patches, but I always knew she was the woman for me.

"You're twenty-eight, son, I just think it's time you started planning a future."

I groaned. This was usually mom's shtick. "I know you guys want grandkids and stuff, but I'm not there yet. Alice isn't into all that either. We're just…enjoying ourselves."

"What would you do if she was gone tomorrow? Would it not affect you if she decided to end things and see someone else?"

When I pictured Malice sitting on another man's face, I wanted to do some damage. "Why does it have to be complicated? We're happy with what we have and it's not anyone else's business!"

Dad stood up. "I just care for you, Emmett. You're my firstborn and only son. I want the best for you."

"She is the best."

He smiled. "That's why I hired her, but tread lightly. Alice has been hurt in the past, and I'd hate to see you add to her wounds."

After dad left, I spent most of the day working with my trainer. My upper body was still solid but my legs needed work. I also had a complex about going back onto the field. The NFL had been my dream come true, but the fibula break had shown me just how easily it could all come to an end.

Malice was in the kitchen when I got home. Grinning, I leaned onto the kitchen door and watched her dance. She was wearing a cute little red skirt and black heels. I liked the way her white sweater cupped her breasts and pushed them out. Her hair was also sexy, just held back with a clip.

"Bravo!" I shouted and clapped, alerting her to my entrance.

She quickly turned around. "God, you're like some kind of stalker. It's not right that you can move so quietly with your weight."

Looking at her made something in my chest feel funny. "Uh, what are you making for dinner?"

She waved me over and removed the lid on a large pot. "Chicken stew with dumplings and there's cherry cobbler for dessert."

"Marry me?"

She slapped me with a dash rag and giggled. "As long as you pay me, I'll keep cooking."

I leaned down, pulling her into my arms. "My dad likes you."

"He's a good man. Your mom is awesome, too, but those tips she gave me on how to keep my breasts perky were a little disturbing." I chuckled, remembering Malice's scowl when I left her alone to talk with Mom after the incident.

"So, do you want to eat at the table or should we take it to the den? I got some new movies today…"

"Oh, actually…I have a date. A friend set me up before we started doing our thing. It's sorta a double and I can't back out. Sorry."

I didn't want her to know this news had any effect on me so I played it cool. "No biggie. I can just call some people over. They're all wondering why I don't chill anymore."

"Would any of these friends be single females?" Malice asked, stepping away from me.

"Does it matter?"

She sighed. "No, no it doesn't. I just don't want to do this anymore if you start having sex with other people."

I frowned. "Maybe it's time to end this thing. I mean, it's been fun, but I'm a guy that's used to hardcore sex. I've already won the challenge."

Malice nodded and turned back to the food. "I'll put the food on the table at six."

Sulking, I went outside to swim. My arms cut through the water angrily as I thought about the conversation. I really didn't want to end the thing with Malice, but I was scared. What if dad was right and she left me? It was better to end it before all that stuff.

She was gone by the time I came back into the house. I took a quick shower before sitting down to eat. The house was really lonely without her in it.

After dinner, I decided to call some friends. They came over about an hour later. I spent most of the night beating groupies off my dick and pretending to be happy. The party quickly ended after some bimbo puked in the pool.

Because of a hangover, I slept past noon the next day. I only awakened because someone was knocking at my door. I stood up, suddenly realized I was naked, and put on a pair of boxers. My leg felt like shit and my head was even worse.

When I opened it, Malice was standing on the other side holding a tray. "I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, but your dad asked me to bring you up something since you didn't eat breakfast."

I gestured for her to come inside. "Sorry, it's a mess."

"It's okay. Well, um, I should go."

"Wait!"

She turned around slowly and looked up at me with those big gray eyes. In a fit of lust, I grabbed her arm and dragged her to the bed. She didn't move as I quickly discarded clothes and climbed in next to her.

"I'm sorry. I don't want this to stop. You're perfect… This is perfect for us."

She rubbed her tiny hands up and down my abs. "I agree. The date was such a snoozefest. All I could think about was how much fun I could have been having kicking your ass at Mortal Kombat while we pigged out."

"You can't beat me at MK," I whispered, licking the corner of her mouth.

"Do you want to see my pedicure?" she asked suddenly.

I shrugged and sat up. "Sure. We're in a bedroom about to get it on, but I'd just love to play girly time with you."

"Stop being sarcastic," she giggled as she kicked off her shoes. Her toes were really cute with little teddy bears painted on each one.

"Your feet are like the size mine were when I was two."

She laid down and put her feet in my lap. "Give me a massage."

I kissed the insole and tickled her until she begged for mercy. Then, she began rubbing her heel right over my crotch. It felt…good. I'd seen foot jobs in pornos, but I'd never had one. Malice was full of surprises.

"Take off your boxers," she commanded, staring lustfully at me.

After I did, her feet began to roam. They were so smooth and when she cupped my dick between them, I had to lean back and hiss. She continued to explore and tease my flesh as I held onto the comforter.

"Your balls feel really good," she sighed, pressing down on them.

When her delicate foot rubbed the tip, I came. "Malice! Oh, god!"

She crawled on top of me and kissed my shoulder. "That was fun, but you didn't last that long."

Laughing, I dragged her into the bathroom so that we could clean up. She washed off her feet while I took a quick shower. I wanted her. Bad. We'd had a lot of fun, but being inside of her would be the ultimate rush.

* * *

_Is our Emmett getting a little pussy whipped?_


	7. Chapter 7: G is for Groin Pull

_**A/N:** I bet no one guessed it. Since Ash and you guys seem to be enjoying this fuckery, we will keep exploring. I'm not 100% sure groin pull is a sextionary term but give me some leeway. Hugs._

**REPOST_  
_**

* * *

**Groin Pull** _(noun)_ a usually sports-related injury characterized by intense pain in the region of the groin usually due to abnormal straining or stretching of an adductor muscle of the thigh and especially the adductor longus

_**Malice POV**_

I put my hand over my mouth to hold it in, but it was just too funny. "So…um, you broke your Gristle Missile…"

"Gristle Missile?"

"Love Pump, Joy Stick, Trouser Snake?"

Finally, he joined in with my humor. "It fucking hurts to laugh, but thanks."

I leaned down and kissed his soft lips. They were beautiful and full—lips that were made for carnal pleasures. Boldly, I slipped my tongue into his mouth and licked. He groaned loudly before pushing me away.

"I want to but I'm in too much pain. It's not really my cock, but that whole area is sore. I should have listened to my trainer, but I had to be an alpha male."

I mentally slapped myself for being so insensitive. "I'm sorry, sweetie. The pizza I made should be done in about ten minutes. Let me just pick a movie."

It was quiet for a long time so I looked up. "What?"

"You called me 'sweetie'," he said, his grin so wide that the dimples showed. I loved those dimples.

"It's just something I do." I tried to play it off, but the truth was that Emmett was getting to me on a personal level.

"Admit it, you love me. You want me to stick my love pump in your honey pot and father all your children."

All of a sudden, it was just too much. "Shut up!" I screamed. "You don't know anything."

"Shhh. What's wrong?" Meathead asked, wrapping his huge arm around my trembling shoulders.

"No one would want that with me…children and stuff. I know that someday I'll just be an old cat lady or something, and I'm fine with that."

He placed the gentlest kiss against my lips. "Why do you think that way? You'd be a prize for any man."

I sighed and leaned into his warm body. "It's scary to want more. I just can't afford to get my hopes up."

"I'd want that with you. I mean…if we could and you were willing. I think you'd make a fine wife and mother. You're an amazing woman, Ms. Brandon."

His words only made me cry harder. In my life, I'd learned that it was better not to want something or it would be taken away. The only constant people in my life were my brothers and their families. I was so happy that they'd both found someone special, but I doubted that it was in the cards for me.

"Don't say things you don't mean. You can't want me like that, okay?"

He sighed heavily. "We'll speak about this another time. Just…don't put yourself down. I consider myself a pretty awesome person, so I only hang with other awesome peeps."

Smiling, I slapped him on the chest. "I need to get dinner ready. I'll leave you to bask in your awesomeness."

Dinner was pleasant. We ended up watching an old comedy. Meathead started to whimper around the end, so I got him more ice for his inner thigh. It hurt my heart to see him in pain. I'd already spoken with Aro, who told me it was just a Grade one strain and would heal in a week or two.

"Well, I should be getting home…"

He shook his head. "Nah, you're spending the night with me."

I put my hands on my hips and stared him down. "Since when do you give me orders?"

"It's not an order," he said, shrugging. "I would just feel better if you stayed. You can sleep in one of the guest rooms if you want, but I prefer you in my bed."

Sleeping over did sound fun, so I agreed. Fortunately, I kept an overnight bag in my car in case of emergency. As I jogged outside to get my stuff, I felt elated. Meathead could have had anyone in the world stay with him, but he'd asked me!

After taking a quick shower and putting on a nightgown, I climbed into bed. Emmett watched my every move, his eyes bugging out a little when I began applying cream to my neck and cleavage. Giggling, I lifted my knees up and began moisturizing my legs.

"It's rude to stare, you know?"

He blinked. "I probably don't tell you enough, but you're really beautiful. I like the way your skin naturally glows. There isn't a fake part on you—I dig that."

My jaw dropped. "Is this a wind up for a joke?"

"Come here?"

"No."

"Please," he begged.

"Okay."

I laid my head on his chest. Even after all the things we'd done, his size still amazed me. I'd always thought my brothers were large, but they were nothing compared to Emmett. He made me feel like a fairy.

"Tell me something about yourself that no one else knows."

I groaned and tried to pull away. "You're probably tired. How about I get you another Motrin?"

"Nice try. Tell me. There must be some deep dark secrets in your closet."

"You first."

"Deal," he said, while caressing my upper thigh absentmindedly. The tingling made me want to sit on his face again.

"When I was fourteen, I stole some of my mom's bras so that I could practice unhooking. All the girls were starting to be comfortable with second base, and I didn't want to miss out."

I chuckled. "Sounds just like you. Did she find out?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I got a lecture from dad about cross-dressing and gender identity. It was so fucking embarrassing that I had no choice but to come clean. He and mom were too relieved to be really mad." Hearing that story just reiterated how different Meathead and I had grown up.

"Well…um, when I was fourteen, I got my first boyfriend. He hit me."

"What?"

"He wanted me to give him a blow job. I wouldn't do it, so he backhanded me. I kicked him in the balls and ran home. My brothers trashed his car and beat him up. Later, I found out his parents shipped him to military school."

Meathead's heart began to beat wildly. "Your brothers are my new heroes. I would have cut off his dick. I'm very protective of my sisters, too."

"I can take care of myself, though. They treat me like a baby."

"Don't be so hard on them, they love you. I would do the same thing if anyone put their hands on you. I can almost taste James' blood in my mouth. He'll get what's coming to him," Emmett warned, his voice sounding very cold.

I kissed him hard to let him know that I appreciated the concern. "Sorry, I'm just a little horny right now and your hand on my leg isn't helping."

His blue eyes sparkled. "You know…my fingers are working just fine."

"But you're probably tired…"

"Open up. I love to feel you. I bet you're all juicy and sweet."

"Jeez, you say the most wonderful things."

I did as he asked and spread my legs wide.. The first few times were embarrassing, but we were comfortable with each other now. I felt free and happy in his bed. Meathead had taught me a lot about my body and how to get pleasure.

I held onto his muscular forearm. "Are you sure this is okay?"

He nodded and began working my sex. The first few times he avoided my clitoris, which drove me insane. Then, he did touch it, and my hips shot up off the bed. I whimpered as the orgasm ripped through me.

"Thank you."

He smirked. "I'm not done yet. I didn't eat dessert, and I'm suddenly craving it now."

I watched dazedly as he slowly lowered his head and began suckling me. Before long, my hands were buried in his dark curls while I screamed and grunted. We were making a mess, but neither of us seemed to care.

"Scream for me, Alice. I want your gushy stuff all over my face."

My legs shook hard. "Emmett! Ungh! Ahhhh!"

When I could open my eyes again, I saw him smiling smugly at me. "You're so gorgeous when you come. I never really noticed it with anyone else."

He rolled us so that we were spooning. I put his hand over my breast, so that he'd have something to play with until he fell asleep. I'd noticed that Emmett liked casual touches and caresses. He did so much for me, so I was coming out of my comfort shell for him.

"When your Gristle Missile heals, I'm going to let you."

"Let me do what?"

I put his large hand over my still throbbing vag. "Put it inside of me. We're talking full-on sweaty, animal sex. I'm still scared, but I'm willing to try with you."

"I would never hurt you, Alice. Never." I wished that it were true, but my past experiences had taught me otherwise.

"Goodnight, Meathead."

* * *

_Better get out that cardigan again for when things get messy. Can anyone guess H?_


	8. Chapter 8: H is for Hentai

_**A/N:** Our little Malice is coming out of her sexy shell. Meathead does not know what he is in for yet. This chapter is not for people that think Disney makes the only good cartoons (You know I love them all, but I'm an adult). Ashley still loves me so nothing else matters. Malice and Meathead 4e_ver!

**REPOST**

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**Hentai** _(noun)_ Japanese animation (anime) depicting graphic sexual scenes.

_**Meathead POV**_

"Someone is getting some sweet il na na," Tyler Crowley sang as we dried off in the locker room. He was a true friend and one of the best running backs in the NFL.

"Shut up, asswipe!"

Mike Newton ribbed Crowley. "He's got it bad. You think he'll let us hit it when he's done?"

One minute I was standing at my locker, and the next minute I had Newton's neck in a vice grip. "You go near her, and I'll break your fucking knees!"

"Whoa! Whoa, man," Tyler shouted, pulling us apart. "We were just messing with you."

Mike nodded. "Yeah, Hulk. I didn't know." Newton was a good guy.

"Sorry, it's just…."

Crowley winked at me. "She's special. Hey, I wanna meet this woman."

"We're still new, and honestly, I'm not sure where we stand. I'm thinking about inviting her to the charity ball next month."

My addiction to Malice had reached an all time high over the last few weeks. She was the only thing that kept me sane while I was laid up with the groin injury. It wasn't all about sex either; she would kick my ass in Xbox and make sure the hot tub temperature was just right. I needed some fucking clarity soon, though, because I was way out of my element.

"Well, I'm taking Jessica Stanley, the new weather girl on Channel Seven. She has a fine pair of titties." I laughed because Mike had always had a thing for dumb chicks, and Miss Stanley definitely fit the profile.

"What about you?" I asked, nodding to Crowley.

He shrugged. "One of my many fans. Let The Skank Games begin—winner gets the pleasure of my company."

"You're such a gentleman."

I wasn't officially reinstated but Newton, Crowley, and a few others would come down to the training center to practice with me. My sponsors were already making deals for next season. Because I was a well-liked player with a college degree and a normal past, I had no problem gaining endorsements.

About two hours later, I got a text from Malice asking me to meet her in Chinatown. I was starving, so I quickly called a cab—it was almost impossible to find a parking place down there on a Saturday afternoon.

When we arrived, I tipped the driver and hopped out of the car. A small Asian-American guy in hipster clothes was waiting for me out front of an old movie theater. He sized me up for a minute before holding out his hand. I was skeptical as hell.

"Hi, I'm Eric Yorkie. I live in the same building as Alice. Come on inside, she's waiting for you."

I shook his hand hard, crushing the bones a little. "I'm Emmett McCarty. I'm Alice's boyfriend." We hadn't really discussed labels, but I needed the prick to know that he didn't stand a chance.

"Ugh! He's not my boyfriend, Eric," Alice shrieked from the middle of the lobby.

It hurt to hear her say those words. "Then what am I?"

"You're my best friend, McCarty."

How could I stay mad at her when she looked so cute? I walked over and lifted her into my arms. Her tiny, womanly body always blew my mind. I could easy toss her around, and I often did just to see her laugh and squeal.

"Put me down, you big oaf," she giggled loudly.

"As you wish."

Yorkie pulled out an phone and began texting furiously. "Wait until they hear about this!"

Malice groaned. "You can't! I'll get interrogated."

"Someone want to clue me in here?"

She pointed to Yorkie. "He is telling my brothers about you. The last time Garrett and Riley visited me, Eric took them to his comic book store. They all still keep in touch."

"Oh," I mumbled, rubbing the back of my neck. From what I'd heard, Malice's brothers sounded scary.

"This is going to be so good." Yorkie was practically wetting himself.

"Come on, Meathead. Let's leave the dweeb to tattle. I wonder who is going to help him prepare for that date he has with Angela next week…"

Yorkie ran over and got down on his knees. "I'm sorry! Please forgive me."

Malice frowned. "Okay, but you owe me, Yorkster."

I laughed all the way to the theater doors. Inside were a few dorks from the Apple Nation, complete with Ipads and stuff. They squirmed in their seats as we passed because I had my hand on Alice's ass.

She led us all the way to the back, which was empty. There were only about ten people in the whole theater, and they were all seated towards the front.

The projection screen was surrounded by red curtains. It wasn't the newest technology, but I was willing to go along with whatever my woman had planned.

"You wait here. I'm going to get the food," she said, disappearing before I was able to volunteer to help.

Soon, Malice returned carrying two bags. She was also wearing a bright purple wig sectioned off into two ponytails and a dark gray trench coat. I raised my eyebrow in question, but she just bit her lip and smiled. I noticed that the Apple Nation nerds were craning their necks for a better look.

Malice blew them a kiss and sat down. "Have you ever seen a Hentai movie?"

It sounded vaguely familiar. "Like a porn cartoon?"

"It's a little more than that. Some of them are really good erotica. Are you down for it?"

I reached over and tugged her purple ponytail. "I dunno…maybe if you show me what's under the coat."

She stood up and removed the trench, making me wish that I'd kept my big mouth shut. While she'd been away, Alice had changed into a very short green and gray plaid schoolgirl skirt with a matching button down white shirt and tie. White knee socks and laced up boots finished off the cock tease outfit.

"Oh my god," I whispered while trying to cover her near nakedness.

Malice just batted my hands away and bent over the seat in front of me, leaving me with a tantalizing view of her perky ass and a white thong. Suddenly, the throbbing in my pants reached maximum levels. I panted like a dog as she handed me a plastic cup and arranged some Styrofoam containers.

"What is this?" I asked after sipping from the straw.

"It's pineapple-infused sake. Drink up."

"It's good."

She kissed my nose. "Now, open wide." I did as told, moaning appreciatively when she stuck a tempura sushi roll into my mouth.

"Thanks."

By the time the movie started, I had finished about twelve rolls. Malice wiped my mouth while we gazed longingly at each other. Truth be told, I wanted to drag her out of the theater and go home. The last few weeks had only made us closer—it was like we could have conversations with only our eyes.

At first, the anime seemed boring. I mostly stared at Malice and sipped from my cup. Before long, I heard someone screaming and looked up at the screen. A busty woman was down on her knees letting some guy stick his dick down her throat.

"Fuck yeah!" I yelled, drawing glances from the nerds.

Malice put a small throw in my lap. "It's kind of cold in here."

I was watching the main guy in the movie pound the shit out of busty babe number one when I felt Alice's hands on my zipper. I lifted up a little so that she could lower my jeans until they were down around my knees. After that, she reached into the slit of my boxers and gripped my shaft.

"Shit," I hissed, gaping at her.

"Just be quiet and watch the movie."

My big ass body quivered like a motherfucker as Alice began stroking my meat stick. After spitting in her hand, she moved her wrist in slow, steady circles.

I gripped the edges of the theater seat and tried not to embarrass myself too much.

"You're so big," she said in a voice almost like the schoolgirls in the movie we were watching. "What am I touching?"

I grunted. "My dick. You like this, don't you, baby girl?"

She nodded and blushed. "It's so warm and hard."

"Do you think you can handle something like this inside of you?"

Malice winked and lowered her head. I watched stunned as she dipped under the blanket and licked the head of my cock. She did it five more times before coming back up for air. I squeezed my eyes shut and squirted all over her small hands.

"Oh god. Oh god. Oh god," I chanted ferociously.

All I could do was whimper as she cleaned us up. The cum stained throw was a lost cause and would probably end up wherever Malice had put the cardigan of shame. We really needed to start shopping together.

"I'm so hot and juicy," Alice whispered, spreading her legs.

I reached under her skit and damn near came in my pants. "You're really getting off on this stuff, huh?"

She just smiled and watched the screen. The dude was now having a hardcore threesome with the schoolgirls. The smallest one sat on his face while the other one rode him. Malice's hands were inside of her skirt, and she was playing with her honey pot.

"Ungh. It's so hot. I'm…I'm…"

I leaned over and stuck my tongue in her mouth. She quickly climbed into my lap. Luckily, the nerds in front were too engrossed in the film to turn around.

I unbuttoned the top of Malice's shirt and buried my face in her bosom while she rocked her hips against me. "Let go," I begged.

All of a sudden, I felt two small teeth sink into my shoulder. Alice spasmed uncontrollably and keened softly. One of the nerds looked back, but I growled until he left us alone. We needed to get out of the theater quickly.

I stood up and threw everything in Malice's big ass purse. Then, I helped her put on the trench coat, took her hand, and led her out front. Fortunately, there were taxis lined up across the street. I gave the driver a hundred dollar bill and shoved Malice inside.

We were all over each other, so the ride was pretty much a blur. The only time we came up for air was to tell the driver her address. I'd wanted to go to my house, but she was in control of this date. I actually loved it when my little spitfire called the shots.

The next time I noticed my surroundings, we were in Malice's colorful living room. She laid down on the couch and rubbed her bruised lips while I ran to the bedroom. I rambled through her drawers until I found the dildo that we'd been using to stretch her out.

"I think I'm in heat," she said, groaning as I sat down next to her.

"I have that effect on women."

Smiling, she looked up at me curiously. "I like to think that I'm the only one."

Gently, I began pushing the dildo into her body. "You are now."

Malice was really wet, but I still used lube. My mouth soon found her clit, and we got into a nice rhythm. For the first time, Alice was able to take the whole thing and didn't wince in pain. I kissed her flat stomach and pressed down gently. A few minutes later, she came while digging her nails in my wrist.

"That's my girl."

She sat up and wrapped her little arm around my massive shoulders. "I'm ready, Emmett. Can we, um, take a bath first?"

I picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. "I just want you to know that this will be the best night of my life."

* * *

_I know, I know. How could I possibly leave you with a cliffhanger about the throw when you're still so worried about the cardigan? I'm so sorry. I bet you know what "I" stands for ;)_


	9. Chapter 9: I is for Impotence

**_A/N:_**_This fic is so fun to write, I may never go back to Edward and Bella (direct all hate mail to **Ash**). Anyways, thanks for all the reviews. They make me giggle. _**  
**

_Special shout out to** Kat-**one day she will pick the right word ;)  
_

_Booby grope to my sexy vixen **Chartwilightmom**  
_

**REPOST**_**  
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**Impotence** _(noun)_ The inability to get or sustain an erection.

_**Malice POV**_

I rubbed my hands up and down Meathead's well-built back. We'd been trying to have sex for the last few hours, but no amount of kissing or touching could make him arise to the occasion. An insecure demon in my head tried to make me think that it was me, but deep down I knew the real truth.

"Please, look at me, Emmett," I begged, trying to turn his massive shoulders.

He finally made eye contact—those big blue peepers had a power over me. "Alice," he said, "I'm so so sorry. I've never had this problem before in my life. It's definitely not you. You're beautiful and perfect. I'm so…"

"Shhh, we don't have to do it tonight. I just like being here with you."

He stood up and cursed. "I'm letting you down! You were all hot and bothered after the movie, and now I can't even get it up!"

I reached out and pulled on his hand until he came back to bed. We were both as naked as the day that we were born and completely comfortable with each other. I'd never been the girl that loved men and sex, but Meathead had brought it out of me. The actual penetration part wasn't as important because he'd already changed how I felt about sex.

Sighing, I rolled over and laid my head on his chest. I felt so safe and protected in Emmett's arms. When we went out, he was like a parting sea—never letting anyone come near me. Even though I knew that I handle things myself, it was still nice to have someone like him in my corner.

"I…I really like you. Don't push me away." I wasn't sure that I could deal if Meathead decided to end our affair.

"Baby, I couldn't even if I tried," he muttered, making me yelp when his big paw pinched my booty.

"I'm going to have to tell Heidi that her son is a raging pervert. I think you bruised me!"

Laughing loudly, he flipped me over onto my stomach. I crossed my arms under my head and waited to see what he had planned. Soon, Emmett's rough hands were exploring my backside. I began writhing against the sheets while he squeezed my flesh.

"Mmmm, that feels good."

"I'd give it an eight," he teased, lightly patting my butt cheek.

"Only an eight? I'll have you know that I do Pilates, run, and spend hours a week doing squats. I think I at least deserve a nine!"

Suddenly, his soft lips replaced his hands. "It tastes good," he moaned while licking me, "but lots of chicks have yummy asses. It's more about how you work it."

Scowling, I sat up and turned around. "You're a chauvinistic ogre!"

"Hey, hey," he said, holding up his hands, "Don't bite my head off. Besides, you and those other woman are only doing all these workouts so we guys will look at your ass and compare."

"I do it for me!"

"Then why are your jeans and skirts so tight? You want us to look. Just fess up, baby."

I hit him over the head with a pillow and screamed, "I'm not your baby!"

"Don't be like that, sugar tits. Come sit in my lap and give me a kiss."

"I wouldn't want to sully your lap with my less-than-a-ten booty!"

I definitely didn't have body issues, because I worked hard. I knew that I looked good and appealed to men, but McCarty was giving me a complex. What if the reason he couldn't boink me was because my booty disgusted him? What if he never got it up? What if I kicked him in the balls?

Meathead was laughing so hard that I thought, and maybe hoped, that he would choke on his own saliva. I stared him down until he got himself under control. Then, he started all over again and rolled over onto his stomach, giving me access to his buttocks.

"Well…well, your ass…" God, I couldn't even lie—his was a bona fide ten.

"My ass is what?" he taunted, wiggling it a little.

Smirking, I leaned down and bit into his precious butt cheek. "Ouch!" he shouted, reaching back to dislodge me.

"That's what you get!"

I climbed onto his back and pressed my entire body against him. "You're like a big, hard body pillow."

He groaned. "Give me a massage while you're back there."

I nibbled on his ear lobe while gently tugging on his curly hair. "Only if you re-score my booty."

"Nope. You haven't shown me that you can work it yet. It's just a shiny art piece put out on display but never used."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Some dirty dancing. I pick the songs. Are you game?"

I climbed off his back. "I'm always _game_. Can you keep up with me?"

"Oh, baby, you have no idea."

I went to the restroom to wash up while Emmett set up the music. Before long, I heard loud nineties rap music blaring from my speakers. I recognized an old school LL Cool J song and began shaking my hips. I was about to show Meathead some real moves.

I wasn't prepared for what I saw when I walked into the living room. I'd expected Emmett to sit in a chair while I did some kind of striptease, but he was actually dancing. The kicker was that he could really move. Watching his naked hips gyrate to the beat almost gave me an orgasm.

"God damn," I mumbled, stumbling into the room. He was still flaccid, but even then his man meat was large.

"Like what you see?" he asked cockily.

I scowled. "It's not that great."

"Oh you do wound me so," he shouted, dramatically clutching at his heart.

I lifted my arms and turned around. I let the music take over as I began moving my body to emulate sex. Soon, I felt Emmett's body heat; he was standing right behind me. I bent over and jiggled until he touched me.

"I think you're a nine now."

I stuck out my tongue and moved away. "Not good enough."

We both let the lust take over. If he had of been hard, we would have been having real sexual intercourse. The music and the heat made me feel fearless as I bounced and rubbed up against him like a prostitute on payday.

"Fuck, Alice. Jesus, you get a ten," he whispered after I got down on all fours.

Ignoring his remark, I stuck my hand in my honey pot and started masturbating. My clitoris was so swollen that it was painful. I kept my head down on the carpet and my butt in the air while I worked my body.

"Ungh! Ungh! Ahhh! Fuck yes!" I screamed to high heaven.

I was still in bliss when Emmett's mouth joined the party. He spread my legs wider and began kissing my most sensitive skin like it was my mouth. I pushed back into him so that his tongue could probe deeper. He was squeezing me a little too tightly, but I really didn't care.

"Give it to me, baby," he commanded, whacking my booty. "I love your sweet stuff. Come in my mouth."

I closed my eyes and nearly blacked out. "Emmett! Meathead! Lover!"

A few minutes later, I rolled over and opened my eyes. Emmett was staring at me while he stroked his very hard erection. I reached out and scooped up the drop of pre-cum, watching his eyes go glassy when I licked it off.

"Are you ready now?"

He shook his head sadly. "I can't explain it, Alice, but I know that if we go back into that bedroom, I'll be impotent again. I think…I think we need more time."

Truthfully, I did understand. I'd been willing to go all the way, even though I was terrified that it would hurt again. Meathead's body had somehow sensed my discomfort and blocked him from being able to perform.

"I get it. There are other ways to handle your problem," I assured him, lowering my head.

"But…we don't have anything to clean up with."

I hollowed out my cheeks before taking him down my throat. When I came up to take a breath, I noticed his hands were tangled in my hair. I went down again and again until I felt him throb. Then, I started humming softly.

"You know what? I bet my booty score could be raised to a twenty if we added some Emmett spunk."

He quickly turned me around and yelled, "Hell yeah," while he coated me in goo.

"This feels weird and cold."

He kissed the back of my head. "It looks damn good on you! Oh, and you were never an eight, Alice. Your ass is so off the charts that I can't even score you."

"Suck up!"

Later, we took a quick shower together and polished off the rest of the Japanese food. Although we hadn't had sex, I felt like what we'd done was more important. Emmett wouldn't be mine forever, but maybe, just maybe, I could give him enough good times so that he would remember me fondly in the future.

* * *

_You didn't think it would be easy, did you? Poor Emmett and his wonky cock. It happens. No word on the throw or cardigan yet. Can you guess J?_


	10. Chapter 10: J is for Jack Off

**_A/N: _**_Finally a new chapter for you all. Thanks to everyone that put this fic back on alerts and reviewed. Tell your friends or anyone that asks. I'm still upset for losing all those kind words, but I can only move on now or post on another website._**  
**

_Hugs to Ash and Char who help nurture my craziness.  
_

* * *

**Jack off** _(verb)_ To masturbate, especially used to refer to men

_**Meathead POV**_

I dialed her number for the millionth time and cursed like a sailor when she didn't answer. My mother had thought it would be a good idea to send Malice away to some healthy eating conference in San Francisco, so I had been forced to spend the last three days without her company.

"Oh jeez, Emmie, are you calling Alice again? You're like a stalker, dude."

I glared at Kate. "Sometimes I wish I had brothers instead of nosy little sisters."

"You're such a bonehead."

"I'm just checking to make sure Alice is okay. A good employer cares about his employees and wants them to be safe."

Mom walked into the room and sat next to me. "Oh, honey, you're so transparent. You should just admit that you miss your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend!"

"Then what is she?" Kate asked curiously.

I leaned forward and began playing with my fingers. "Uh, she's an employee that is also a friend. We're not dating."

Mom looked at me with pity in her eyes. "You are taking Alice for granted. Be careful, or you might lose her to someone that will treat her right. She is a wonderful young woman."

Kate rolled her eyes dramatically, standing up to leave. "You're a lousy boyfriend. You don't send her flowers or take her out on dates…poor Alice."

Deep in thought, I vaguely noticed mom studying me. "You know, your father and I would like grandbabies before we're too old to carry them. You're my oldest son, and I really just want the best for you. I've seen the way Alice makes your eyes light up when she's around. Give it some thought, okay?"

"Anything for you, Mom," I promised before walking them to the car.

After eating the roast duck dinner that Alice had left for me, I sat down to watch ESPN. Usually, I liked to argue with the commentators but my heart wasn't in it tonight. Sighing, I turned it off and went to the hot tub. I'd just gotten in when my phone began to vibrate.

"Emmett," I muttered, not really in the mood to talk to friends.

"You don't sound very excited, Meathead."

"Malice!" I practically shouted, smiling so wide I thought my cheeks would split. "I've been trying to reach you all day."

There were noises on her end before I heard a door close. "Sorry. It's been going really well here. I've learned so much, and there are some things we need to discuss when I return. Um, I miss you."

I closed my eyes. "I miss you, too. All I can think about is licking your sweet juices from my lips. Come home."

"I'll be back tomorrow night, but… what are you doing right now?"

"I'm in the hot tub getting hard listening to your voice."

She giggled, the sound doing nothing to help my problem. "Go get in bed and turn on your laptop. Call me back when you're ready."

I sprinted like a motherfucker up to my room and plopped down on the leather couch. When I opened my laptop, there was a box blinking and asking for access. Upon reading, I discovered that Malice was asking for an invite so that we could see each other using the webcam. I immediately accepted.

"Hi there!" she screamed, waving her small hands at the camera.

My mouth went dry when I saw that she was just wearing a small blue towel. "Take it off."

She moved her laptop closer, giving me a great view of her as she undressed. I whimpered quietly when her pointed pink nipples make an appearance. Her dark hair was still wet and slicked to her head and just went fucking perfectly with the pouty lip she always sported. My wood got hard enough to cut through metal.

"Spread your legs," I begged before discarding my swim trunks.

"So naughty. Why don't you pump first? Show me you want it."

I grabbed a bottle of her lotion from the bathroom and when I came back, I began massaging the shaft. "I wish this was your hand."

She smiled beautifully, her slate gray eyes sparkling. "I wish you were in my mouth."

I groaned. "Please, spread your legs and let me see your honey."

Malice laid down on the bed and did as I asked. The minute I saw all that pink covered in wetness, my body convulsed. She lowered her small hands and began playing with herself. My hips began thrusting on their own accord.

"It feels so good, Emmett." She rarely used my real name, so this shit was really turning me on. "I can almost feel you slowly sliding into my hole. I would break you."

"Fuck! Fuck!" My knees shook like crazy as I blew my load, the cum splashing all over my stomach and a little reaching the laptop.

Malice whipped her head to the side and cried out, "Mr. McCarty, fuck me!"

My body never needed much recovery time with her. "Baby, flick your clit. Make it hard for big daddy."

"Ungh! Talk dirty to me."

I smirked. "The minute I pick you up from the airport tomorrow, I'm going to carry your little ass to the car and drive to a remote area. Then, I'm going to throw you in the back seat and bury my face in your pussy. After that, I'm going to shove my cock down your throat until you gag. Are you game, baby?"

She screamed again, this time finally finding her release. I kept my nose an inch from the screen just watching her gush. For a woman that had never had an orgasm, she was very responsive and knew her body well. It took all my willpower not to whip out my credit card and book a red-eye to California.

"Do you feel good, Malice."

She looked right at the screen, nodding lazily. "So so good. I'll sleep like the dead tonight."

"Good. Get some rest because I meant what I said. I have days of pent up sexual frustration waiting for you at home."

"Why didn't you just call one of your other girls?" she asked shyly, her cheeks reddening.

"Remember our deal? There is no one, Malice. I don't want another woman anymore. You're special to me."

Something in her face shifted and it fucking scared me. "We'll talk when I get home. Clean yourself up and get a late night snack. I left you some steak wraps in the fridge. Goodnight."

I kissed the screen. "Goodnight. I'll be waiting for you."

When the screen went blank, I felt strangely empty. I'd had girlfriends in the past, but I never cared when they went out of town. In fact, I would have been happy if most of them never returned. Malice was different, though. Mom and Kate had been right; Mary Alice Brandon was slowly stealing my heart.


	11. Chapter 11: K is for Kinky

**_A/N: _**_Let's see how Meathead welcomes his girl home. I'm sending naughty tingles to you **Ash. **_**  
**

_**Tawelephant **gets the prize for guessing the letter K. **  
**_

* * *

**Kinky **(_adjective) _Sexual activity that is somehow non-traditional or exotic.

_**Malice POV**_

My trip to San Francisco had proven to be fruitful in many ways. I met a well-respected private chef at the conference who was planning to start a new Mediterranean fusion restaurant. We'd been in one of the same presentations and he decided I might be a good fit. Though I'd never really worked in that type of environment, I'd agreed to fly out for a formal interview in a few weeks.

Before that, my brother Garrett had driven down to take me out to lunch. He was the oldest and always had a knack for making me confess the truth. I told him about my relationship with Emmett, which made him hit the fan. He demanded that I end it before I ended up with a situation worse than the James Horn incident. Resigned, I promised him that I would end it quickly.

Thankfully, the plane landed without any problems. I rushed quickly to the baggage claim, eager to get out of O'Hare as soon as possible. A few men leered at me as I reached for my bag. Since I'd flown first class, courtesy of Aro, I'd dressed up a little by wearing a short navy skirt, nude pantyhose, and a fancy yellow silk blouse.

"Why are you wearing fuck me pumps in the middle of the airport?" Meathead whispered, his arm encircling my waist.

"Because I want to get fucked."

I didn't even have time to blink before I was picked up and practically carried from the airport. I had no idea how Emmett had even managed to grab my luggage, but he did it. Soon, I was in the front seat of an Escalade while he blasted some old school Nas.

"You can't say shit like that in the middle of a public place. I almost fucked you right there. Jesus!"

Giggling, I looked out the window. We were heading to one of the hotels close to the airport. I was confused, but Emmett shushed me when I tried to ask questions. After that, I just sat back and let him lead the show.

The front desk worker at the Radisson was more than happy to book a last minute suite for Mr. McCarty. I briefly wondered how many women Emmett had brought to this hotel, but I didn't want to start an unnecessary fight.

"We can go somewhere nicer if you want, but I needed you right now."

I lifted his hand, taking his index finger in my mouth. "This is fine. I don't think I can wait either."

Pretty soon, we were almost having sex in the elevator. I wrapped my legs around Meathead and groaned when his hands gripped my butt. He possessively forced his tongue in my mouth, pushing me against the back wall. If anyone else had dared get on this ride, they would have certainly gotten quite a show.

Emmett grunted, the noise making my clit throb. "I hope you didn't dress like this the whole time in San Francisco. You don't know how fucking sexy you look."

"You can't tell me what to wear."

He pulled away, setting me back on my fight. "The hell I can't. I wouldn't want my sisters going out in something like that either. It…it sends the wrong message."

Seething, I buttoned my top. "And what would that message be, Mr. McCarty?"

His blue eyes darkened. "That you're a high-class escort or a sleazy secretary."

When the door opened, I stomped to our room. If Emmett thought that he could play the caveman with me, he had another thing coming. My past relationships hadn't been great, but I never took shit off of any man.

We both remained silent until Emmett couldn't stand it anymore. "I'm not going to apologize."

I sat down on a large love seat and put my legs up on the table. "Neither am I. I'll just stay here tonight and call a cab to take me home tomorrow. Oh, and I'll pay the bill. You can fuck off!"

Emmett glared at me. "I'm not going anywhere and neither are you."

"Ugh!" I screamed, trying to stop myself from strangling the stupid jock. "When did you become like this? We were fine before I left."

"Well…"

"What?" I asked, slipping off my heels.

His eyes widened when I began rubbing my legs together. I did it again and noticed that his cock was becoming more prominent. Not only did Meathead have a foot fetish, he was also into pantyhose. My trip to the sexy lingerie store in California was about to pay off.

"Come sit by me," I demanded sweetly, patting the spot next to me.

He sat down, looking smug. "You ready to say sorry so I can take care of your honey pot?"

Smiling, I slowly began lifting my skirt until it was around my waist. "These," I said, pointing, "are crotchless pantyhose. Do you like them?"

His mouth dropped open. "You're not wearing any fucking underwear!"

"I had the row to myself on the plane, so I played with my toy. I was so worked up after our webcam session. I planned to go down on you in the car, but you ruined everything with your pigheadedness!"

"Malice. Oh, god. Please let me taste you."

I opened my legs and leaned back. "Go ahead. You owe me now."

Just seeing his big head between my legs almost made me come. He played with the nylon covering, rubbing his cheeks against my thighs several times. Mewling, I tugged on his soft curls while he swiped his tongue up and down my slit. When I started to claw at his back, he sucked my swollen clit into his mouth.

"Holy shiznit! Fuck me good. I'm so horny for you, Meathead."

He looked up at me, grinning. "You're so damn cute, baby. Let me have it all."

I rode his face hard, chasing that orgasm bitch like a wanted woman. "Ungh! Right there! Harder! Take all that pussy!"

Minutes later, his nails ripped through my pantyhose and he whispered, "Squirt."

I grabbed his head with both hands and pressed my wetness against him so hard, I was almost certain he was unable to breathe. The tingles started in my clit and spread through the rest of my body like venom. I cried out, throwing my back against the couch.

Sometime later, I came back to Earth. Emmett was suckling my nipples like a babe while pushing his big fingers inside of my cunny. I sighed lazily because talking would have taken too much work. He had really worn me out.

"Your turn," I mumbled sleepily.

He chuckled. "You're almost asleep. I can wait until later when you're more alert."

"Are we still fighting?"

"Nah. I was wrong, Alice. You're a grown woman, and you can take care of yourself. I just…I care about you more than I thought possible. I don't want anyone taking advantage of you."

I placed his hand over my quivering stomach. "Feel that? It's only your touch that makes it happen. I dressed up for you, because you're all that matters."

He leaned down and kissed me on the lips, his breath light as a feather. "Same for me. What does this mean?"

"Honestly, I don't know," I acknowledged weakly. "This is just fun, right? Once you got back for NFL training our time will be up."

"What if I want it to be more than that?"

Damn. This was exactly what I'd always feared. "Don't confuse your heart with your dick. I am still your employee and…it just wouldn't work."

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I was just throwing it out there because I thought you might be catching feelings. Glad to know we're all good."

"Yep, all good." I didn't believe it for a second, and judging from Emmett's defeated body language, neither did he. We were truly fucked.

* * *

_We're not done with those pantyhose yet, because Meathead still wants a turn. I wonder if they will end up like that blanket and the cardigan. Please review.  
_


	12. Chapter 12: L is for Love

**_A/N:_**_ Sorry for the hiatus. I needed to get some more chapters. There's not really any smut in this one so...  
_

_I think Tawelephant guessed right again. It's like she's in my head. Shout out to my girl Ashley and all the readers._**  
**

* * *

**Love **_(noun) _A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person

_**Meathead POV**_

It had been a whole week since Malice and I last hooked up. She still came to work and cooked her little ass off, but each night she left at six on the dot. I tried to talk to her, but she seemed distant and moody. I was starting to get scared that I would lose her for good.

Sighing, I plopped down on my leather love seat and took out the crotchless pantyhose Malice had worn that night in the hotel. Thankfully, they still smelled like her sweet pussy. I unzipped my jeans while holding the thin fabric to my nose.

Before I could start, I got a text message from dad informing me that Malice had called in sick for the day. I stood up, grabbed my keys, and drove to the city as fast as my Escalade would take me. It was a little after seven in the morning, but somehow I managed to get through rush hour traffic fairly quickly.

Luckily, I was able to find a spot in a lot about a block from Malice's apartment. After grabbing my gym bag from the trunk, I began walking to her building. Two sorority girls stopped to give me a party flyer but I declined their invitation. It felt weird because they were pretty fucking hot, and a few months ago I would have been all over that easy ass, but now…now I just wanted to see Alice Brandon.

Front desk dude loved me, so I was immediately let into the elevator. It seemed to take forever to get to Malice's level, though. When I heard the ding and the doors opened, I practically ran down the hall. After wiping the sweat off my forehead, I took a deep breath and knocked.

"Who is it? I didn't order anything," Malice called out grumpily before opening the door.

I looked down at her fuzzy slippers and baggy gray sweats. "Why the hell didn't you call me?"

"You," she shouted, poking me in the chest, "do not own me, Mr. McCarty."

I laughed. "You work for me, not my dad. You could have at least called."

"I…I just thought it would be easier," she stammered, walking away.

I threw my Everlast bag on the couch and followed her into the bedroom. It was much messier than usual and that was saying something. There were discarded tissues all over the floor as well as water bottles.

"Are you sick?" I asked forcefully. I would so kick her ass if got sick without telling me.

Malice ignored me and curled up into a little ball. "Just go away. I left enough food in the fridge and freezer to last you a couple of days. It also won't hurt my feelings if you decide to eat out."

I stroked her soft hair. "Is it the flu?"

"No…I…I have my period!"

My hand stopped. "Oh, uh, it's a natural part of a woman's life…"

"I don't need the puberty talk, you moron! It's just…I take birth control so that I only get it three times a year. The cramps and pain have always been really bad for me."

Sighing heavily, I sat back against the headboard. "Since I don't have training today, I can take care of you."

"That's alright. I just really want to be alone."

"Well tough titty, you're stuck with me. What can I do?"

Malice sat up and glared at me. "Go home!"

"I'll go run you a bubble bath. You look tense." A pillow hit the back of my head before I made it to the door.

After the tub was full and the whole bathroom began to smell like lavender, I went back to the bedroom and got Malice. She used her tiny fist to punch me in the chest, but I barely felt it. I didn't quite understand why I had this very intense desire to take care of her all of a sudden.

"Do you need me to take your clothes off?" I asked while setting out fresh towels.

"There is blood coming out of my vagina. If you don't want to see that, go!"

I covered my ears. "Jesus Christ! There's no need to be so blunt."

"Here," I said, holding out two Vicodin and a glass of water," these will help with the pain."

She looked hesitant at first but ended up downing both pills at the same time. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Doc prescribed them for my leg injury, but I never used them all. Pretty soon, you'll be feeling really good."

She nodded and used a small remote to put on some cheesy nineties pop ballads. Before I left I heard her mutter, "Ahhh, Celine Dion." Malice had shitty taste in music.

While she bathed, I tidied up her room. She definitely wouldn't win any awards for organization, but Malice loved everything bright and happy, which would probably make her a great mom someday. _Where did that come from?_

Almost an hour later, she emerged from the bathroom wearing a pair of blue sleep shorts and a long-sleeved Chicago Bears tee. I smiled because I liked that my girl repped my team. She wasn't even trying to be sexy, but my cock responded.

"Come here," Malice begged before plopping down on her freshly made bed.

I sat down next to her. "Do you feel better?"

She put her hand on my chin and dragged me down for a deep kiss. I tried to keep it chaste but Malice had other plans. Her little hands found their way down into my boxers. I groaned loudly when she tugged on my twig and berries.

"I take that as a yes," I said panting.

"You're so cute, Meaty."

"Meaty?"

"I'm trying out nicknames. Take your pants off, so I can take care of you properly," she giggled.

Obviously Malice was fucking out of it. I helped her lay down, covering her with a blanket. She kept trying to unbutton my pants, but thankfully, I was able to stop her. It probably hadn't been a great idea to give her two Vicodin considering she was so tiny.

"Oh, I need to call Angie to see if she can run by the store during her lunch break. I'm out of pads and junk food. Give…me the phone."

I shook my head. "I can go to the store. What do you need?"

She laughed so loud that it startled me. "You can't go into the feminine needs aisle, silly. That's something only boyfriends, husbands, and dads can do." I paled. When she'd said pads, I'd been hoping she meant the type that we used on the field.

"Uh, so what am I then?"

"You're a…you're a… You're my Meathead."

"What if I wanted to be more?"

Malice's face scrunched up like it did when she was in deep thought. "You can't because... you just can't."

My heart was practically beating out of my chest; I felt weird. "This discussion isn't over. We'll talk more when you feel better. Now, what do you need from the store?"

She just stared at me for a long time before speaking. Unfortunately, the pills had really kicked in, causing her to slur the words. "Um, don't like tampons…need wings. Mmm, chocolate... um, chicken and pie. Midolllllll…"

I took out my phone to jot down her list. "You want buffalo wings?"

Malice giggled. "No, I want…" The sentence ended with a loud snore. She was out for the count.

Three-hundred-pound men coming at me full force on Astro Turf I could take but a menstrual emergency was out of my league. I dug through Malice's purse until I found her keys and walked to the front door. Then, I called the one man who could help.

"Hello, Dad, can you meet me at Target on Michigan Street?"

Fortunately, my father was already parked and waiting when I arrived. I quickly explained the situation, and he was more than happy to help; though he did seem a little smug. I figured it was just because I seemed so desperate.

The feminine needs aisle turned out to be a scary place. There were at least six women who glared at us when we entered. I kept my head down and tried not to bump into anyone. Soon, the area started to clear out.

Dad gestured to a middle shelf. "These are Always Infinity with wings. Get regular and overnight."

I threw them into the basket. "You know so much."

He smiled. "I have a wife and two daughters, so this isn't my first time. Now, let's just get the Midol and we can get out of here."

The next stop was to this gourmet grocery store Malice loved. I bought her two big chicken pot pies. Dad suggested that I also get ingredients to make chocolate milkshakes, and since I trusted his judgment, I obliged. After that, we just scoured the aisles for Malice's favorite junk foods.

"Well, crisis handled, Son. Your mother and sisters will be back from New York on Saturday. Don't expect me to keep this a secret," he threatened playfully.

I shrugged. "Tell them. I'm just glad you were here to help. Uh, I think I love her."

He slapped me on the back. "About time you figured that out. Now what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know, but I'm tired of being just her Meathead."

Malice was still sleeping when I got back to the condo. I put everything away and laid down in bed next to her. She mumbled a little but didn't wake up. Her face looked angelic and sweet, so I couldn't resist peppering it with soft kisses.

Although I'd seen those friends with benefits movies, I had naively thought that Malice and I could be the exception to the rule. We hadn't even had sex yet, and she already had me tied up in knots. These new feelings were frightening but also kinda awesome at the same time.

"Goddamnit... I love you, Alice Brandon," I whispered, pulling her closer.

* * *

_He's gone and done it now. I bet Aro went home and spilled his guts to the girls. Can anyone guess letter M?_


	13. Chapter 13: M is for Mechanophilia

**_A/N:_**_Sorry it's been so long. I was told some of you still need to learn your alphabet :) Thanks for the love._**  
**

_Shoutout to Ashley who started it all.  
_

* * *

**Mechanophila** _(noun) _A fetish for machines like cars, bikes, or gadgets.

_**Malice POV**_

"He took care of me while I was menstruating, Angela!" I screamed, freaking out on speakerphone.

She laughed at my nervous breakdown, like it was no big deal. "I think it's really sweet. Eric says he's nice. When can I meet him?"

"How about a quarter to never? We're just friends with benefits, and I don't want to drag our friends and family into it."

"Awww, girl," she blubbered. "You deserve the best. Stop sabotaging your chance at real happiness."

I turned on the sink to rinse off my knife—manual labor had always calmed me. "It could never work, Angela. At least I know what I got into from the start. Meathead is going back to the NFL which we all know means parties and groupies. He'll forget all about me. Besides, I think I have a good chance at that new job."

"I don't want you to move." I could hear the pout in her voice. "Who'll help me keep Yorkie in line if you leave?"

I giggled. "Girl, you'll do just fine. Hey, I gotta finish dinner. We'll go out for drinks and a movie this weekend. Kisses."

After we hung up, I took the food out of the oven and began putting it on serving dishes. Meathead had already texted to let me know he would be home soon and bringing a guest. My plan was to head home after getting them settled.

"That's what I'm talking about! Let's grub, Hulk." I turned around to see a handsome brown-skinned man with tight black curls standing with Meathead.

"This her?" he asked, holding out his hand. "It's nice to finally meet you."

I didn't know what McCarty had told his friend about me, but judging from the playful look on Mr. Crowley's face it must have been bad. I wasn't naïve after growing up with two brothers; I knew how men talked about women, and jocks were the worst offenders.

I returned the handshake. "Likewise. Tyler Crowley, isn't it?"

Meathead finally managed to find his voice. "We call him Ty on the field."

"Well it's nice to meet you, Ty. Why don't you guys go sit down in the dining room, and I'll bring out dinner and drinks," I prodded, pasting a fake smile on my face.

Before they left I heard Ty say, "She fine as hell."

"Keep your eyes and hands to yourself," was Meathead's brilliant reply. _Oh brother._

Ty hooted and cheered when I set the Chicken Kiev and roasted red potatoes on the table. Almost immediately, he began stuffing his face. I went back to the kitchen to get the crescent rolls and wine.

When I got returned, Meathead stood up to pour the wine and sparkling water. Tyler alternated between pouring ketchup on everything to singing my praises. Meathead looked very upset once he realized I wasn't staying for dinner.

"The dishes are clean. I'll put them away in the morning. There's more food in the kitchen, and you can just wrap up what you don't eat. I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. McCarty."

"Oh, and it was nice to meet you, Mr. Crowley."

Suddenly, Meathead went completely still. Ty, sensing the change in the room, stopped eating and stared at us. I checked to make sure I wasn't having a wardrobe malfunction, but everything looked fine.

"What?" I asked, slightly afraid of the look in Meathead's eyes.

He growled, "Sit your tiny ass down and eat with us, Malice. Cut that Mr. McCarty shit out. Ty knows we're together."

I felt faint and had to grab a nearby chair to remain standing. "You can't… We're not together…not like that."

Ty spooned more food on his plate before getting up. "I'm gonna take this to the den, and let ya'll work out your shit."

After he left, Meathead and I had an intense stare off. I was beyond pissed that he thought he could tell people about our non-relationship. I mean, what if the media got wind of it? The whole James Horn thing had made me weary of professional athletes and gossip news.

"Why did you lie to Crowley? He's one of my oldest and best friends, therefore we don't keep secrets. You've been avoiding me for days, Malice. Why?" Emmett asked, his big hands curling into fists.

I walked past him and headed towards the front room closet to grab my stuff. Unsurprisingly, Meathead followed me. He watched me closely as I buttoned my new green cardigan. I had my hand on the front door knob when he stopped me.

"Spend the night," he begged, placing his hand on the back of my neck. "I don't like to sleep alone anymore."

"Then don't," I snapped. "You're free to be with other women."

He screamed, "Ughhh! You are driving me crazy, Malice. You want to end this now, then fine with me! You walk out that door and we're through."

"It's better this way," I whispered sadly. "I'll see you tomorrow morning. Goodnight."

One minute I was walking away, and the next I was being hosted in the air. Meathead held me in such a way that I had no choice but to wrap my legs around his waist. Once we were settled, he carried me into the den and dropped me on the couch.

"Watch her," he muttered, looking at Ty who was still busy wolfing down dinner.

I yelled and punched a throw pillow. "He makes me so mad!"

Ty chuckled. "Why you givin' my man a hard time? He's so in love with you."

"He does not love me! We have a pretty open relationship."

"Oh yeah," Ty said, scooting closer. "Then come sit on big daddy's lap. Show McCarty he don't own that sweet wet…"

I slapped him hard across the face. "You jerk! Meathead is your friend. I would never do anything to hurt him."

"She pass?" Em asked, stepping back into the room.

Tyler rubbed a cold beer bottle against his cheek. "Fuck yeah, but you didn't tell me your small fry could hit. She damn near dislocated my jaw."

I was really pissed. "This was all a set up! You both are nothing but immature Neanderthals! I am leaving, and you can't stop…"

Meathead stuck a forkful of food into my mouth. "Shut up, Malice. Eat and watch some old game highlights with us. If you still want to bail after that, I will drive you back to the city myself."

I crossed my arms and refused to participate. Before long, the game on the screen actually became interesting. It was fun to see the men on the field and know they were the same ones sitting next to me. Soon I found myself eating and drinking a Smirnoff.

"You're really fast, Ty. I mean, I'm impressed," I admitted, staring at his long legs.

He popped his collar. "I do a'ight. Your boy over there keeps the big dudes off of me so I can run."

I leaned over and kissed Meathead's jaw. "You're really great. I'm glad I stayed."

"Does that mean you're spending the night?" he asked hopefully.

I shrugged. "I might as well."

"Good, because I have a surprise for you later."

A little after midnight, one of Ty's friends came to pick him up. He gave me a genuine friendly hug and told me to take care of his 'boy'. I promised that I would and sent him off with what was left of dinner. He was Meathead's best friend, so I knew we would see each other again.

"I'm sleepy," I said, yawning and stretching my arms.

Meathead led me upstairs to his bedroom. When we got there, I saw a machine with a big red bow on it. It didn't look like anything I'd seen before, so I was curious. On the table next to it was a box. I it opened and almost choked when I saw what was inside.

"Dildos?"

McCarty nodded. "They're for the machine. It's a love machine, and it won't work for nobody but you."

I looked down at the dicks ranging in size from small to quite large. Of course I had toys, though not a fuck machine! My mind was going haywire but above all there was curiosity. If nothing else, it seemed like it would give me an orgasm.

"Cute," I said, rolling my eyes at the song lyrics. "It's really a fuck machine, right?"

"I say love machine, you say fuck machine—let's not argue. Do you like it?"

He didn't give me time to answer but instead organized everything so I could test it. Then he lubed me up and helped me squat on the inflatable device. I chose the smallest flesh-colored dildo from the box for the first go round.

While I got comfortable, Emmett got naked. He really was a big beautiful man, and I was lucky that he wanted me. Something must have alerted him to my ogling, because he looked straight at me and winked. I smiled, rubbing my cheek against my shoulder.

"In football, we study plays and practice to get us ready for the big game. When we make love, I want to be just as prepared. This machine will help me learn what you like and prepare you for my anaconda," he acknowledged, smirking.

"Only you, Meaty, only you."

I pressed a remote and the machine came to life. At first I was hesitant, but Meathead licked my nipples and clit until I began juicing. The more he attended to me, the more I thrust my pelvis. Before long, I had his cock in my mouth.

"You're so ready, baby," he growled, slapping my breast.

I pulled back to take a deep breath. "I'm coming, Emmett!"

He exploded on my stomach just as I reached my second orgasm. After that, he gently cleaned me up. I felt great but also exhausted. Unfortunately, Meathead wasn't done with me yet. He laid down on the machine, positioning me over him so the dildo could fuck me from behind.

"You're so wet, Malice. Show me how you'd ride my cock if I was behind you," he whispered while rubbing my ass cheeks.

This time I went slower, because even the small dildo felt like a lot in my small cunny. Meathead kissed the hell out of me while dry humping me from the front. Soon, we were really going at it and making a lot of noise.

"There…there… Oh…" I came on a sigh.

Emmett scrunched up his face, crushing himself against me. "I love you, Malice. I love you!"

It seemed like the world stopped spinning. I didn't know what to say, but thankfully the universe did me a favor. The inflatable love machine burst, leaving us flailing on the ground. Apparently, my weight combined with Meathead's massive size was just too much pressure.

"Motherfucker! I better get my money back," Emmett grumbled, helping me up.

I giggled. "Next time we'll get a sturdier one."

"Does that mean you plan to stick around? You've been sending mixed signals, and don't think I didn't notice you haven't told me you loved me back."

"W-When you go back to the NFL, things will be different. I've already began looking for alternate employment. All of this," I said, waving my hands, "is fun for now, but we both know there's no real future."

Emmett winked and slapped me on the ass. "You don't know what you're saying. I know you really love me and want to have my babies. Let's go wash off, and then we can go to sleep."

I gulped.

* * *

_Meathead is taking charge. Can he convince our skittish Malice? Will more cardigans be ruined? Will Emmett get his money back for that broke sex machine? Can you guess letter N? Next letters coming soon.  
_


	14. Chapter 14: N is for Nooner

**_A/N: _**_Haha to all those that guessed Nympho. I always try to do the unexpected. Our Meathead and Malice are getting down to the nitty gritty. This chapter is lemon-tastic. Leave me love._**  
**

_Huggles to Ashley.  
_

* * *

**Nooner** (_noun_) A sexual encounter during lunch hour, especially one which is illicit

_**Meathead POV**_

"As you can see, this office space is divine. It's also one of the most sought-after spaces in the city."

Rosalie Hale, the real estate broker, had dragged us through every expensive office property in the city. One of the advertising guys from the Bears had come to me a few months back with a proposal about starting a private tech development firm. I'd written him a check, so now it we had to find the right place to do business. If the injury had taught me anything, it was that I couldn't play ball forever—I had maybe two good seasons left in me before retirement.

"It's got good light and plenty of open space. The view is spectacular," Caius Goldstein said as he pushed up his glasses, his head full of dark hair was in bad need of a cut.

I smiled. "If you want it, I can call my lawyer right now. It could be ours by next week."

While Caius decided, I glanced at Ms. Hale. Clearly, she'd already counted the commission in her head and was just waiting for the confirmation. Before Malice, a tall leggy blonde like her would have been a nice notch on my headboard, but I didn't even get a twitch from looking at her.

Caius pulled me aside so we could speak in private. "Let's do it. I know it's expensive, but with the clients we already have lined up we'll be profitable in six months or less."

"I trust you," I said, slapping him on the back. "This is gonna be awesome! Just remember to have the donuts and coffee fresh when I stop by."

I let Caius be the one to tell Ms. Hale the good news. She turned into a completely different woman—the icy glare replaced with a huge smile. I guess Goldstein was feeling really good, because he invited her out to lunch. Hale was about half a foot taller than Goldstein in heels, but somehow their opposite looks meshed well together.

After they left, I called my parents to tell them the good news. Dad was especially proud, because he had been the one to help me decide to invest. Of course my parents wanted to take us out to celebrate, so we made plans for the next night.

Since I'd had early morning physical therapy, I was free for the rest of the day, and I knew exactly how I wanted to spend it. Grinning, I drove a few blocks over and booked the top suite at The Peninsula Chicago. I knew the manager, and he was only too happy to help one of the city's finest NFL players.

It wasn't even eleven in the morning yet, but I didn't want to wait any longer. I'd never had sex with a woman I truly loved but all of that was about to change. Malice had taken place in my heart, so it was time for me to show her I wanted a serious relationship.

After taking a deep cleansing breath, I dialed Malice.

"Hey, I just got out of the shower. Can you call me back later?" My dick liked that a lot.

"Perfect. Listen, I want you to put on something sexy and meet me at The Peninsula. A car will be there to pick you up in twenty minutes." I almost lost my train of thought imagining her in sexy lingerie.

"What is going on? I have things to do today. We don't all have millionaire, playboy football player schedules," she muttered petulantly.

"Malice," I snarled. "I'm not in the mood to play games. Do what I say."

She called me a few choice names before agreeing. "Okay, but are we having lunch? Just so you know—I'm not one of those bimbos who happily flaunts her hoo ha in public."

"Jesus H. Christ, you'd make a saint lose his patience! Jeez, just wear something _bedroom _sexy under that red trench coat you love so much."

"Oh, um, I'll just go get ready. See you soon, Meaty."

I was about to tell her how much I hated that damn nickname when she hung up on me. One thing was for sure, Malice would definitely keep me on my toes. Like my mom, she'd probably be the leader of the household and everyone else would have to fall in line.

The staff came in and out of the room while I waited for my lady to arrive. I'd ordered a special lunch to be brought up with bottles of Cristol on ice and a large spa gift basket. The hotel was used to dealing with the rich and famous, so everything ran smoothly.

Suddenly, the front door opened to reveal Malice on the other side. A female employee guided her into the room and promptly left. I watched as Malice examined everything. She would reach her hand out to touch something and then draw it back.

"Oh my god, Emmett! The Peninsula Suite! I've wanted to stay in this room ever since I moved to Chicago. This is insane!" she shouted, dropping her purse and running to the window.

I walked over and took her hand. "Let me give you the tour."

She particularly liked the Jacuzzi on the private balcony, which I planned to make good use of later. Once we got back to the living room, Malice became visibly nervous. I rubbed her shoulders, trying to ease her tense muscles.

"I just want you to know," she whispered, dragging me down for kiss, "that no man has ever done something this special for me. Thank you, Emmett McCarty."

I cradled her in my arms. "If you'd let me I'd spend my whole life doing things like this for you, Alice. Please let me make love to you."

She slowly took off the jacket, and it was glorious. A crimson red corset, matching thong, and garters with stockings turned Malice into my ultimate fantasy. Luscious dark eyelashes framed her beautiful gray eyes that had captivated me from our first meeting.

I froze, so she took charge and walked me to the bedroom. I let her undress me, closing my eyes to keep my lust in check. Her small hands on my nipples almost made me spew. Malice was sensual to the bone.

"Open your eyes, Meathead. I want you to watch me suck you," she purred, her short hair brushing against my thighs.

The next thing I saw was my dick disappearing in her mouth. She bobbed her head, humming and taking me inch by inch. I thrust until I felt myself hit the back of her throat. She pulled back, my dick leaving her mouth with a loud pop.

I pulled her up and kissed her mouth slowly, savoring the taste. "It's your turn. Sit on my face, baby," I commanded.

She crawled up and lowered her hips. I lapped her sweetness like a cat with his favorite cream. Malice's nails dug into my chest as she rode my tongue. It didn't take long for her to come hard, screaming her way down the mountain.

"Meathead! Ungh! Emmett!"

"I can't wait much longer," I admitted, helping her remove the corset. My mouth was on her tits the second the material was off.

She leaned forward, giving me better access. "I like it when you nibble on my nipples. Your…your lips are perfect."

"Thanks for the compliment, baby. I'll always make it good for you, Malice. Always," I promised, using my thumb to tease her clit.

I sat up and leaned against the pillowed headboard, my legs outstretched. I wanted Malice in charge during our first time. Even though we'd used the machine to get her ready, I would never forgive myself if she suffered even a moment of pain to give me pleasure.

"I love you," I whispered as I helped her remove the thong and garter belt.

She placed her small hands on my shoulder. "I'm really starting to believe you. I'm so scared. This isn't what we planned."

"Shit happens."

A few seconds later, she straddled me, lowering her heated center down on my throbbing cock. I grunted and grabbed her hips to help guide her home. We lapped at each other's tongue as she slowly got comfortable.

"It feels…good," she murmured, wrapping her arms around my neck. "So big."

I chuckled. "He's yours now, baby. Ride him hard."

She wantonly pressed her body against me, her hard nipples making me see stars. When I was fully sheathed inside her, she stopped and opened her eyes. We shared a sweet moment—me whispering love words and her eyes leaking tears.

Malice rotated her hips and came as I played with her clit. She'd gotten used to my dick and began bouncing up and down. My big hands encircled her waist, leaving bruises on her delicate skin. I tried not to hurt her, but she was so fucking little.

"Fuck, Malice! Fuck!" I yelled as her pussy clamped down on my dick.

She came again, and I used her momentary paralysis to switch positions. I placed a pillow under her hips. Then I helped her put her legs over my shoulders. Panting, I teased her clit with my cock head until she squirmed and whimpered.

"Get inside me now!"

This time I was able to put it all in at once. Malice clawed at the sheets while I pounded her pussy hard, my balls slapping against her ass. We were both close, and when she came I came right along with her.

At a loss for words, I groaned and collapsed. Somehow, we ended up spooning. I didn't ever think I'd hear a sweeter sound than Malice's post coital soft snoring . I fell asleep nuzzling her sweet smelling hair.

Hours later, Malice woke me up. She'd taken some food out to the balcony and heated the whirlpool. We ate and made love again as the sun set. It was unnatural for us to be so reserved and quiet together, but we were both feeling new and powerful emotions.

"I think this is the best chocolate torte I've ever eaten," Malice stated while sipping champagne. I stole a bite before managing to slip my dick back into his favorite place.

"You're an animal," she squealed, splashing hot water in my face.

"Oink, oink. You know you love me."

"I think I do, Emmett. I think I'm in love with you."

I spewed white hot cum so deep into her that it triggered her own orgasm. Alice Brandon loved me—it was like I'd never really been fully alive until she confessed it. As I held her trembling body I thought about our future.

"Move in with me, Malice. I want you in my bed every night. You won't have to work as my Chef anymore—I'll give you everything your heart desires."

She reached down and disconnected us. The way her face paled was not a good omen. "I can't, Meathead. I'm leaving in a few weeks."

_What the fuck?_

* * *

_Uh oh. Maybe Meathead should have taken it slower. Malice love the sex, but she's scared. I gave you guys a little Rosalie appearance. I also have a chapter coming up with Edward and Bella, and they are not nice! Teeeheehee. Will the cardigans be saved? Will Malice break Meathead's heart? Will they have more sexy times? What happened to that spa basket? There's more to come.  
_


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